here comes the buzz!

by MisterGamerMan •

The Way You Fix Your Glasses as They're Falling Off Your Face is 110% Tied to Your Zodiac Sign

Fix 1: The “One Hand On Each Side Re-Slide Over The Nose”

Scorpio: You demand control over all aspects of your life. You grasp those glass spectacles firmly between your steel-rod fingers and refuse to let go until they’re in the perfect place. You don’t even care if someone’s looking at you while you adjust them. Maintain eye contact; they can’t know you’re weak inside. Never let them know how the mere thought of your glasses being even a millimeter off line breaks your soul. After you’re done, cough into your hand and nod slightly as if this was all part of the plan. You’re a stud.

Fix 2: The “One-Handed Barely Moved Re-Adjust”

Sagittarius: You’re a bit of a free spirit. You don’t really care where those things end up, just so long as they land back over your eyes. You’re the kinda guy/gal who really believes in the phrase “Let the chips fall where they may,” even though everyone around you thinks you don’t know what the phrase means because you generally use it during situations you have complete control over. Much like adjusting your glasses. Whatever, c’est la vie, que sera sera. You’re a stud.

Fix 3: The “First Finger Slide Up Your Nose”

Libra: Nerd.

Fix 4: The “Middle Finger Slide Up Your Nose”

Aries: Who hurt you? You can’t just go around the office flipping everyone the bird saying it’s because you’re “adjusting your lenses.” You’ve been doing this for months, and it’s going to be an HR complaint eventually.

It doesn’t matter. Unlike Scorpio, you’re not adjusting your glasses because you care about your presentation on the inside. It’s your world and everyone else is just living in it. If others have a problem with that? Well, they can just look at the finger you’re using to adjust your sweet pair of Ray-Bans. You’re a stud.

Fix 5: The “Lift To Your Forehead and Let Drop Back Down While You Rub Your Eyes”

Cancer: Keep it together, keep it together. Just 15 more minutes until lunch, and then you can cry in your car. Why do you even need these stupid glasses anyway? Your job should be able to provide Lasik for all their employees!

Ugh, Cheryl from accounting totally noticed that they were crooked all through the 9 a.m. meeting. She’s going to tell all the execs, and now you’ll never get that mid-quarter non-denominational holiday bonus you were after. What? No, I’m not crying! My glasses were just falling off.

Fix 6: Backwards

Ophicus and Cetus (Aka: Those Two New Signs Some People Keep Trying To Pretend We Care About): What even are you. No, seriously. What are you even doing here. What do you think looking at the front of your glasses is going to achieve that you couldn’t discern from fixing them from your face. Even if you think, “Oh well, they were smudged.” Yeah, you want to know how you could tell that? YOU SAW THE SMUDGES WHEN THE GLASSES WERE ALREADY ON YOUR FACE THE RIGHT WAY. Just take them off, use your fingies and thumb to rub your shirt across the glass, deal with the scratches that will leave behind, and go back to playing in the sandbox with leap year babies and people who have two middle names.

Fix 7: The “Complete Removal, Nose Pinch, and Replace”

Aquarius: Everyone is an idiot except for you. It’s not their fault. Not everyone was born with such superior intellect that they had to be given physical disadvantages. For you, it was eyesight.

Probably for the best. If you had 20/20 vision, you’d just be seeing everyone else’s stupidity in crystal-clear vision. Sure, the blur gives you a migraine sometimes, but that’s the burden you have to bear with a brain that big. Why’d you have to be born such a stud?

Fix 8: The “Remove, Chew on the Tip, Ponder Life, and Replace”

Taurus: You’re a real deep thinker. Often considering the complexities of life. Uncovering complex philosophical ideas. Really Energetic. Author of online articles. Some Try to Understand your Diplomatic intentions by looking at every capital letter in this section.

Fix 9: None

All Other Signs Not Already Mentioned: Congratulations. As everyone knows, astrology is an exact science, and therefore all other signs not mentioned in this article were born with 20/20 vision and suffer no visual impairment whatsoever. Congratulations on your good fortune.

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